I wake up to these loud pelts on my window and texts from my boyfriend saying he’s outside! We had just gotten in a fight and he was fucking throwing rocks at my window. How cute except on problem… My parents room is right beside mine. So i run (sneak) downstairs and open the door and there he is standing outside. He apologizes and the whole nine yards and just as he’s about to leave because his friend is waiting to pick him up, he rips his shirt off and gives it to me. This is literally the nicest thing anyone has even thought of doing for me. I have no more doubts, this boy loves me.
I feel so sick to my stomach. There is a huge lump in my throat and I can’t make it go away. My head is telling me one thing while my heart is telling me another. They say listen to your heart, but I’m finding it very hard to without feeling mentally exhausted. I don’t know what to do at this point.
Things have not been going good. For starters my boyfriend is off to university and having the time of his life while I’m feeling like absolute shit. I have cried almost every day since he’s left because no one is there for me like he is and I don’t know how I’m gonna survive my senior year without seeing him everyday. Not to mention I have mono and I feel so tired that I resemble a fucking zombie. This paragraph is a bunch of run on sentences but I really don’t give a fuck because I am way too tired to fix it. Honestly, I really don’t know if I’m going to feel happy anytime soon, because all I want to do right now is lie in my bed wearing my boyfriends shirt and cry into his flannel. I need someone to save me, and fast! I hope I can get through this year with good marks even though I feel like crap. I want to feel happy again, I don’t like feeling miserable.
"See you soon"
Yesterday was the hardest thing. I had to say “see you soon” to my boyfriend because today he moves into his res at university. I know that I’m going to see him almost every weekend, but the thing that scares me is I don’t know how I’m going to survive five school days of pure hell without my best friend.
I really don’t even know how to feel at this point. I don’t know if he’s not fully there, or if i’m not. I feel like maybe there is something stopping me from letting myself be fully vulnerable, but I just don’t understand what it could be. He’s all I’ve ever wanted, and I know this because I had to convince myself he was what I really wanted before I fought for him. Theres just something clouding my mind. Maybe its the fact that he’s moving away for university and I won’t be able to see him everyday at school, or the fact that he’s taking it so lightly.